Effective leadership is one where the leader has clearly defined goals and clearly defined boundaries with the group they lead so they can make hard decisions without emotional ties to the group. Leading is an emotional process of regulating one’s own emotions, stress, and anxiety because effective leaders use clear goals, clear measurement of behaviors, and facts to drive decisions and, when needed, crucial conversations that lead to desired change results. If the leader is a self- differentiated leader, the culture of the organization will be a safe space to share ideas and problems that can be respectfully discussed and actions can be agreed upon, because the leader has the needed perspective to make difficult decisions and have crucial conversations.
Crucial conversations have high stakes, strong emotions, and differing opinions, and is a strategy to get desired results in a safe space where everyone feels heard and respected. These conversations help us to “get unstuck”, stay focused, watch for content and conditions simultaneously, build safety, control our emotions, speak persuasively and respectfully, listen, and commit to unified action. In order to have crucial conversations, the leader needs to know and communicate clearly what the desired goals and vital behaviors to achieve those results are, while maintaining boundaries with the group. It is important to learn the facts and not assume anything. Keeping the focus on the facts and the goal(s) will navigate the crucial conversations in the right direction, to achieve desired results and get everyone back on track.
As I strive to be a self-differentiated leader, I will set clear boundaries for myself so that I can make hard decisions without emotional ties that could hinder my abilities. I will remain focused on the goal(s) and use facts to drive decision making, utilizing the knowledge I have gained around organization change. When behaviors need to be addressed, I will utilize crucial conversations to create a safe space to participate in dialogue based on mutual purpose and respect. This relationship building communication technique will develop skills that will foster ideas, respect, understanding, and a growth mindset culture where everyone is on the same team working toward the same goal(s).
Resources:
Bardwell, M. (2010, November 10). Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., et al. (2021). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition. McGraw-Hill Education.